You get a frenemy!! I get a frenemy!! We all get frenemies !!!!!!!!!!!
Hey sis! I missed you so much. You too? How much? A lot.. awww
It's tea time and darling.. the cup runeth over! Are you ready? Ok... geesh..
So, if you're as unlucky as me you might've had your fair share of bad friends.. OR maybe.. just maybe.. you have even been the bad friend..
Have you ever done something for someone and then stopped and realized that they wouldn't do the same if roles were reversed? Listen.. okay.. I'm doing my angry-laugh cause whew..
I know you're probably already thinking of that person but this is a POSITIVE SPACE and we are NOT going to let the devil use us.. besides.. if you tell me then you're gonna make me have to beef with them too.. cause you're my sis.. like..
Sorry.. positive space.. I forgot..
Anyway.. they did what they did.. and whether you decided to react or not I'm hoping that you at least took a mental note. I'm about to share something that was really hard for me to learn in real life..
Lovebug lesson:
I can't be mad at someone for not treating me the way that I want and expect them too.
Pssh. That felt.. liberating. See, I usually expect people to keep it as real with me as I'm keeping it with them. Like, let me get this straight.. you can call me to help you out when you're in a tight spot but when I call you its always an excuse? Ok.. BLOCKED.
Yes I get it. Life happens. Sometimes people can't be there.. but for heaven's sake..
every-damn-time? On top of that.. when you call I make myself available? For what? Is this a friendship subscription? because.. IM READY TO UNSUBSCRIBE ASAP!
There's something called one-sided friendships. You know? The ones where you have to literally beg them to repost your flyers or businesses.. or who only calls you when they know you have something that they want.. or to tell you about their problems but go missing when you're going through it..
How do you deal with them? Do you address it or do you just go ghost? Sometimes I really want to take the high road but some people deserve to know when they have you f*cked up!
See, I'm really quiet in person (unless I know you.. then its pure crackhead energy) and my anxiety doesn't really allow me to start conversations with strangers easily.. So if you didn't know any better you'd think it's easy to get one up on me.. but my love, you don't want these problems.. gracefully, of course.
So a few years ago I had this friend.. I'm already laughing because.. why do I always get the crazy tea time stories? Ugh. So yeah, this friend was literally always in trouble and needed to be rescued.. so there I was.. saving the day like damn superwoman and fixing whatever mess they managed to get into.. then one day FOR THE FIRST TIME I needed some back up for some bs..
Lord.. why did #MissThing sell me all the way out? Chile.. I'm talking CLEARANCE RACK.. She hanged me on the line to DRY! I couldn't believe it.
#MissThing said "I don't know nothing.. I ain't seen nothing.. I ain't hear nothing.."
GIRL. WAIT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Where is your heart?? Where is your compassion????
Sis was like..
Anyway.. in the end it all worked out for me but I really had to step back after that like..
But of course.. #MissThing was back a month later on some "I need you.." vibes.. and BLOCKED.
I must've been the only blind one because one thing about my mom.. she always knows! She never misses! When I told her about #MissThing she was like "I knew it".. Like miss mamas.. you knew it AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TELL ME?
But that's the old me.. I try to be as unf*ckwittable as possible now. I'm mean with my time, energy, money and attention. Its not FREE.99 anymore.. oh honey.. you're gonna work for this!
Moving along, that's how one sided friendships work. People can only use you as much as you let them. I know you want to be a good person and karma and blah blah blah.. but you need to stop and make sure that they're being a good person to you too.
Sometimes people aren't really against you.. they're just for themselves..
Shortly after that I learned the importance of having boundaries in my friendships. So here's what you're going to try to learn how to do..
You're going to give what you get! No more 40/60! If they aren't coming with the same energy then cut the power off.
You're going to create an open line of communication. If that's your friend you should be able to be open about how you feel. That doesn't mean to talk to them harshly or be rude.. find a comfortable tone and go from there so you both can understand each other better.
You're going to practice saying no. Knowing when to say "no" is very important. Not only in friendships but in all aspects of life. It's okay to not want to do something and if they're really your 'friends' then they'd understand!
You're going to know when you need a break. If the friendship is starting to become overwhelming don't be afraid to say "I need a time out. This is too much for me to mentally digest right now. I need to step back". Knowing your limits is such a powerful thing! This means that you're learning how to understand yourself.
Well love bugs, I hope my little tips and tricks can help you a little and encourage you to learn more healthy ways to cope with or cut off any kind of bad relationship. Whether its a friend, family member or boy/girlfriend the same rule applies. If you needed a sign to cut off your own "#MissThing" here it is..
I'm sending you so much love!
We've almost made it to 2021.. omg I'm so proud of you..
Let's keep going, I'm right here with you & please feel free to reach out whenever you need to.. I promise I'm never too busy for you!
xoxtbugg